Friday, May 31, 2013

Lousy ex-bf

Haha .
I have to admit .
Yes you are damn lousy . 

Making promises to me when you mend to break every single one of them . 

I am sorry that I ever let you into my heart . 
Because I know the pain I am going through now is cause by myself . 

If I never let you in, never accepted you... 
I won't be like this . 

Honestly... You are the first I regretted being with . 
Should have never given you the chance to hurt me... 

Despite you being poor and not good looking, younger... 
I decided to give you a chance because you were so sincere and sweet... 

But look where it got me ? 

I'm sorry for myself... 


I still love u... 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

falling apart

Hi all,

It been awhile since i last blogged.
feeling moody actually....

should have been better de .
but things went from good to bad to worse to bad to worst for me with him .
and we ended things ytd .
or to be exact the start of today .

didnt catch any sleep .
so i literally look like a walking zombie .

with puffy and swollen eyes with dark black eyes circles.
can't help it....

so much to be completed by this week .
so busy yet i can't get my thoughts out of it .

even though i knew somehow this is the outcome .
i just dun understand why .

what went wrong ?
i guess from the others time its already obvious enough just that i chose to ignore .
those doubts i have .
i guess all were real issues .

maybe he just didnt love me at all...
sad part is....
you ask me to be with you...
said the sweetest things to me, giving me promises....
all end up to you starting to drift from me and treat me coldly...
promises made all were just empty promises...
efforts that you said you would put in.....
all went south and turn foul...

I let you in despite all the doubts that i have....
you ensured me time after time that those are not issues that cannort be resolved....
but now ?
where are we ?
what are we ?

Friday, May 17, 2013

Irregular blogging.

It has been getting pretty busy at work.
Just had my first talk which was not as expected.
it was too small.

I feel i could have done better.
but i comfort myself by saying there is too short of time for publicity.

In any case, life have been treating me quite fairly and tiring .
But on the other hand has given me a push in my areas of love .

Things is starting to look up between me and my dear boy .
Hopefully it will only get better and better .

I will be going to BKK soon and all i need to do is slim down more .
A goal which i have told myself to archieve since like forever /
But never couldnt .
hahahahaha .

so i will try my best now .
At least i have lose back to the weight i was before .

Monday, May 6, 2013

doubts and question

Its been awhile since i last blogged.

guess i wasnt that good at updating more frequent .
to be exact i had plenty of times in updating during the start of my work.

but i didnt know what to write about .
and do you guys know smth ?
i guess most should know .

I am attached already .
we just passed our 1 mth not so long ago .
and it wasnt that good .
we had tons of arguements on almost everything .

I simply felt that he doesnt really care about me .
but proven that i was wrong .
its just that i simply care more than he does .

how do you lessen or not care so much for one person ?
i cant think of a way .
and its actually killing me a little .

Thinking if i will simply kill this relationship with my thoughts and expectation .
now what i do is to not have too much of expectation anymore .
and it does helps a little .

but it doesnt solve the issues .
as i still feel he doesnt care enough about us, about being tgt .

maybe i'm wrong .
i wann and wish to be wrong too .
but what scares me the most is that if there is just 1% of this being true .
i'm afraid of what comes later .

Then ytd I was asking him if he thinks we could last for a year .
His reply was "I think so?"
With this hesitation make me wonder
If you have no confidence in lasting then why are we still tgt ?

But i guess if we really love each other enough then all these doubts and issues will be resolve.
wont it ?